Laughter truly is the best medicine and if you need some funny jokes to tickle your funny bone, look no further! Two-line jokes are great because their easy to remember and generally just as funny as long jokes. I hope you enjoy the following funny jokes and be sure to share them with friends that could use a few laughs!
1) Let the funny jokes begin!
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!" "Don’t worry," said the doctor. "Those are just contractions."](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-01.jpg?resize=720%2C540&ssl=1)
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”
2)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-02.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
3)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-03.jpg?resize=720%2C462&ssl=1)
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
4)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What animal is best at baseball? A bat!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-04.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
What animal is best at baseball? A bat!
5)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Why are frogs always so happy? They eat what ever bugs them.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-05.jpg?resize=720%2C440&ssl=1)
Why are frogs always so happy? They eat what ever bugs them.
6)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What's a balloons least favorite activity? A pop quiz!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-06.jpg?resize=720%2C415&ssl=1)
What’s a balloons least favorite activity? A pop quiz!
7)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey...and a cola." "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure. I was born with them."](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-07.jpg?resize=720%2C575&ssl=1)
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey…and a cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”
8)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-08.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
9)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners. The lady says, "Come Again!" The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-09.jpg?resize=720%2C405&ssl=1)
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners. The lady says, “Come Again!” The blonde says, “No, it’s toothpaste this time.”
10)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-10.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
11)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-11.jpg?resize=720%2C540&ssl=1)
What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.
12)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-12.jpg?resize=720%2C481&ssl=1)
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
13)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-13.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
14)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-14.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
15)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-15.jpg?resize=720%2C487&ssl=1)
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
16)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-16.jpg?resize=720%2C405&ssl=1)
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
17)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-17.jpg?resize=720%2C405&ssl=1)
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
18)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-18.jpg?resize=720%2C481&ssl=1)
How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.
19)
!["71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-19.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
20)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-20.jpg?resize=720%2C481&ssl=1)
What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot!
21)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-21.jpg?resize=720%2C367&ssl=1)
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
22)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Why didn't Luke cross the road? He got a ticket for Skywalking!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-22.jpg?resize=720%2C463&ssl=1)
Why didn’t Luke cross the road? He got a ticket for Skywalking!
23)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-23.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.
24)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-24.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!
25)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - What do you call a magic Labrador? A Labracadabdoor!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-25.jpg?resize=720%2C720&ssl=1)
What do you call a magic Labrador? A Labracadabdoor!
26)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Doctor, doctor! They've dropped me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers...Don't worry, what you have is not catching!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-26.jpg?resize=720%2C496&ssl=1)
Doctor, doctor! They’ve dropped me from the cricket team – they call me butterfingers…Don’t worry, what you have is not catching!
27)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-27.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
28)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-28.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
29)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon? Because she will "let it go, let it go."](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-29.jpg?resize=720%2C520&ssl=1)
Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon? Because she will “let it go, let it go.”
30)
![71 Two-Line Funny Jokes - How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-30.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
31)
![My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-31.jpg?resize=720%2C455&ssl=1)
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.
32)
![What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-32.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
33)
![What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-33.jpg?resize=720%2C478&ssl=1)
What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
34)
![Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-34.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
35)
![Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "Get out of here!" shouts the bartender. "We don’t serve your type."](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-35.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
36)
![How many times can you subtract 10 from 100? Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-36.jpg?resize=720%2C516&ssl=1)
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100? Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
37)
![I invented a new word: Plagiarism!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-37.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
I invented a new word: Plagiarism!
38)
![What insect is the most untidy? The litterbug!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-38.jpg?resize=720%2C481&ssl=1)
What insect is the most untidy? The litterbug!
39)
![What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-39.jpg?resize=720%2C456&ssl=1)
What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip!
40)
![What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-40.jpg?resize=720%2C565&ssl=1)
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!
41)
![How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, they're efficient and not very funny.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-41.jpg?resize=720%2C478&ssl=1)
How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, they’re efficient and not very funny.
42)
![What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-42.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
43)
![My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-43.jpg?resize=720%2C404&ssl=1)
My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
44)
![What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-44.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
45)
![Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-45.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
46)
!["Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-46.jpg?resize=720%2C398&ssl=1)
“Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
47)
![Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-47.jpg?resize=720%2C494&ssl=1)
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
48)
![Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-48.jpg?resize=720%2C467&ssl=1)
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
49)
![Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-49.jpg?resize=720%2C481&ssl=1)
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
50)
![Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-50.jpg?resize=720%2C405&ssl=1)
Someone stole my mood ring, I don’t know how I feel about that.
51)
![Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-51.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
52)
![Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-52.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
53)
![Why did the teddy bear say no to pudding? Because he was stuffed!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-53.jpg?resize=720%2C460&ssl=1)
Why did the teddy bear say no to pudding? Because he was stuffed!
54)
![What do you think of that new diner on the moon? The food was good, but they're really wasn’t much atmosphere.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-54.jpg?resize=720%2C484&ssl=1)
What do you think of that new diner on the moon? The food was good, but they’re really wasn’t much atmosphere.
55)
![I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-55.jpg?resize=800%2C533&ssl=1)
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
56)
![What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-56.jpg?resize=720%2C405&ssl=1)
What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock.
57)
![What did one toilet say to the other? You look a bit flushed.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-57.jpg?resize=720%2C476&ssl=1)
What did one toilet say to the other? You look a bit flushed.
58)
![I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-58.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
59)
![Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other? Dill with it.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-59.jpg?resize=720%2C481&ssl=1)
Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other? Dill with it.
60)
![What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-60.jpg?resize=720%2C404&ssl=1)
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
61)
![Where do the Avengers grab their super-skinny lattes? Starkbucks!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-61.jpg?resize=800%2C600&ssl=1)
Where do the Avengers grab their super-skinny lattes? Starkbucks!
62)
![My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-62.jpg?resize=800%2C533&ssl=1)
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
63)
![I wish I had a book about boomerangs...I lent out my last one but it never came back!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-63.jpg?resize=720%2C665&ssl=1)
I wish I had a book about boomerangs…I lent out my last one but it never came back!
64) Oh no! We’ve almost reached the end of funny jokes…
![Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Because every play has a cast.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-64.jpg?resize=720%2C471&ssl=1)
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
65)
![Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-65.jpg?resize=800%2C533&ssl=1)
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
66)
![Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What’s the word on the street?"](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-66.jpg?resize=720%2C563&ssl=1)
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
67)
![What do you find in Superman's bathroom? Superbowl!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-67.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
What do you find in Superman’s bathroom? Superbowl!
68) Break out the funny “Yo momma” jokes!
![Yo momma so dumb, she tried to surf the microwave.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-68.jpg?resize=720%2C446&ssl=1)
Yo momma so dumb, she tried to surf the microwave.
69)
![Yo mama so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-69.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
Yo mama so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
70)
![Yo mama so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already worldwide.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-70.jpg?resize=720%2C479&ssl=1)
Yo mama so fat, she doesn’t need internet, she’s already worldwide.
71)
![You're not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-71.jpg?resize=720%2C480&ssl=1)
You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
I hope you enjoyed these funny jokes!
![I hope you enjoyed these funny jokes!](https://i0.wp.com/winkgo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/funny-jokes-outro.gif?resize=480%2C262&ssl=1)
Please share these funny jokes to your friends and family and help brighten their day.