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Finding someone is never easy but great relationships don’t happen overnight. Just like anything in life, it needs patience, compromise, and work for both people to get the most out of the relationship. In other words, it should have an equal balance of give and take and funny relationship quotes help sum up what relationships also need…fun and laughter!
We scoured the interwebs for some of the funniest and most relatable relationship quotes and we hope you enjoy them. The following 47 funny relationship quotes will definitely provide a smile to anyone starting a relationship and even happily married couples.
1) Let the funny relationship quotes begin!
“A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.” – Samuel Goldwyn
“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” – Steven Wright
“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
5) Funny relationship quotes by Jerry Seinfeld.
“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” – Joan Rivers
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” – Mae West
“I don’t see how being married could be any worse than listening to you talk for twenty years, but that still ain’t much of a recommendation for it.” – Larry McMurtry
10) Funny relationship quotes are lovely.
“Eye contact is a dangerous, dangerous thing. But lovely. Oh, so lovely.” – Unknown
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” – Garry Shandling
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck
“You have to walk carefully at the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.” – Jonathan Carroll
14) Funny relationship quotes are honest!
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni
“I do not believe in meaningless coincidences. I believe every coincidence is a message, a clue about a particular facet of our lives that requires our attention.” – Deepak Chopra
“If someone breaks your heart just punch them in the face. Seriously. Punch them in the face and go get some ice cream.” – Frank Ocean
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” – Carroll Bryant
“It’s not always about sex, sometimes the best type of intimacy is where you just lay back, laugh together at the stupidest things, hold each other, and enjoy each others’ company.” – Unknown
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.” – Benjamin Franklin
20) Like sands through an hourglass, so are funny quotes about relationships.
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” – Jules Renard
“I love you even though you aggravate the hell out of me.” – Unknown
“A man who correctly guesses a woman`s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball
23) Funny relationship quotes by Groucho Marx.
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.” – Groucho Marx
“Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.” – Groucho Marx
26) Funny relationship quote by Albert Einstein.
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
“Maybe making out for a few minutes would help us figure things out.” – Unknown
“I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, ‘And another thing …'” – Felicia Michaels
29) Get your funny relationship quotes…Do you want fries with that?
“The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders.” – Linda Festa
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Relationships don’t always make sense. Especially from the outside.” – Sarah Dessen
“Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.” – Glenn Beck
33) Funny relationship quotes for her.
“She was laughing even as we kissed and kissed again. There is no better taste than someone else’s laughter in your mouth.” – Unknown
34) And funny relationship quotes for him.
“She doesn’t say ‘I love you’ like a normal person. Instead, she’ll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile, and say, ‘You’re an idiot’. If she tells you you’re an idiot, you’re a lucky man. So true.” – Unknown
“The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.” – Bobby Kelton
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” – Russell Brand
“To the tune of Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’…Hey, here’s some Midol. Those cramps are crazy. Here’s the bright side…it’s not a baby.” – Unknown
“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.” – Mark Twain
41) Funny relationship quotes with good advice.
“What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” – Cindy Garner
“When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.” – Frederick Ryder
43) Funny relationship quotes by Rita Rudner.
“Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?” – Rita Rudner
44) Oh no! We’ve almost made it to the end of funny relationship quotes…
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
45) Gotta love funny relationship quotes.
“My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny
“Women won’t date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife. But that’s none of my business.” – Unknown
“If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” – Chelsea Peretti
I hope you enjoyed these funny relationship quotes!
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