Chris Illuminati quit his job on May 19th, 2010 to be a stay-at-home dad to care for his baby. A freelance writer, he would often leave reminders on Post-It notes and stick them around his office. Chris Illuminati decided he would do the same at home to document what to do or what not to do when raising a child.
The funny Post-It notes he wrote are hilarious and his observations are spot-on. I think that many parents will relate; however, these are only a sample of the funny post-it notes available on his website.
1) Here are just some of his funny Post-It notes by Chris Illuminati…
It reads, “Today I daydreamed about sleeping. It was sensational.”
It reads, “The baby has more stuffed animals than clothes. Instead of doing laundry, I’m going to hollow out one of the elephants’ “Tauntaun” style and put him like a onesie. The trunk on the crotch.”
It reads, “Face colors: Red = gas, magenta = poop, sunglow = have extra wipes ready.”
It reads, “I’m putting in a Starbucks where the spare bedroom used to be. Less travel for coffee and training the kid to be a baby barista.”
It reads, “Until he can read, I’m still rocking the “Yank my doodle. It’s a dandy.” t-shirt on July 4th.”
It reads, “If I get up in the night to pee, the baby wakes up. There is a guy hammering, sawing, and putting in a new back door for us, and the baby naps throughout. Explain!”
It reads, “Sometimes I’ll put the kid in his old, small clothes and pretend he is a baby Hulk.”
It reads, “When the baby gets to that age I’m telling him that Santa and Tooth Fairy are real but there is no such place as Chuck E. Cheese.”
It reads, “Sometimes you just want to be left alone, and once they are gone that is exactly how you feel…alone. Be careful what you wish for.”
It reads, “He hasn’t figured out how to crawl but he dry-humps the floor like a teen boy during his first make-out party.”
It reads, “The baby can pull himself up in the crib. Sh*t just got real!”
It reads, “To store clerk: These baby gates aren’t cutting it anymore. Show me something in the electric fence line.”
It reads, “Reminder – Learn the words to “1, 2, buckle my shoe” and forget the words to “1, 2, Freddy’s coming for you” from Nightmare on Elm Street. The kid is freaked.”
It reads, “The wife asked if I’d be disappointed if the kid didn’t grow up to root for the same sports team that I did. Of course not. The real disappointment would come when his new parents told him he was adopted”
It reads, “Wait. It’s “Pat a cake” and not “Patty cake?” All this time I’ve been singing it wrong? Worse, all this time Patty has been taking credit for these cakes?!? How dare she!”
It reads, “Used the strap-on with the wife for the first time this weekend. That’s what those front-of-the-chest baby carriers are called right? Why are you giggling?”
It reads, “Admission is free for kids under a year old. Guess the kid’s 1st birthday never happened. Hear me?!? Never. Happened.”
It reads, “I’m taking up a collection in an effort to buy every beloved children’s character a damn pair of pants.”
It reads, “If you run out of nursery rhymes, the theme from “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” works well.”
It reads, “Cargo pants for babies. You know, it’s a place to put all the important sh*t that babies carry with them.”
It reads, “Parenting is a terrible job when you think about it: long hours, no pay, the boss is moody and demanding, and benefits don’t kick it until years later. Eh, at least my coworker is hot.”
It reads, “I’ll stop doing this when he can read but until then it’s the only thing that keeps me sane during playtime.”
It reads, “In an attempt to curse less in front of the kid, I’m replacing curse words with musical groups when I get angry. Today, a woman cut me off and I threatened to ‘kick her in the Wu-Tang Clan.'”
It reads, “Need to file the baby’s nails more. Keeps scratching his face and leaving cuts. People gave me odd looks. I want to tell them the truth but then I’d be breaking the first rule of Baby Fight Club.”
It reads, “My “baby voice” isn’t much different than my “pet voice.” The cat is confused because he thinks I’m always talking to him but on the plus side, I’ve got the baby s***ing in a sandbox in the basement.”
It reads, “In a rush, I grabbed the “hers” instead of “his” diaper bag. I’m angry because not only does this thing look like a purse but also because it doesn’t even go with my outfit.”
27) And the last funny Post-It notes by Chris Illuminati…
It reads, “I finally ran out of Post-It notes.”
I think most new parents will relate to quite a few of the funny post-it notes by Chris Illuminati and maybe inspire some other parents to do the same.
Please share these funny Post-it notes from a proud father with your friends and family.