Life can be full of ups and downs, but there’s one thing that never fails to lighten the mood: a good laugh! Whether you’re facing a challenging day or simply looking for some lighthearted inspiration, we’ve got you covered with our collection of 101 funny life quotes.
From renowned comedians to witty philosophers, these quotes are bound to bring a smile to your face and maybe even leave you in stitches. Get ready to embark on a journey through the lighter side of life, as we explore the hilarity and absurdity of our human existence. So, sit back, relax, and let the laughter begin!
Let the funny life quotes begin!
1) “A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” – Ogden Nash
2) “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding
- DeGeneres, Ellen (Author)
- English (Publication Language)
- 256 Pages – 09/25/2012 (Publication Date) – Grand Central Publishing (Publisher)
3) “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard
4) “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde
5) “All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” – Sean O’Casey
6) “I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour.” – Anonymous
7) “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – The Dalai Lama
8) “As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
Funny Life Quotes by Theodore Roosevelt
9) “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” – Theodore Roosevelt
10) “When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Funny Life Quotes by Steven Wright
11) “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
12) “What’s another word for Thesaurus?” – Steven Wright
13) “To be old and wise, you need to first be young and stupid.” – Anonymous
14) “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
15) “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
16) “Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.” – Anonymous
17) “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White
18) “Between ‘go big or go home,’ I choose the latter.” – Anonymous
19) Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”
Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” – Bob and Peter, Office Space
You never know what you’re going to get.
20) “Life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump
21) “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.’ – Robert Frost
22) “You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.” – Milton Berle
23) “There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” – Henry Kissinger
Funny Life Quotes by Mark Twain
24) “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain
25) “Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.” – Mark Twain
26) “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain
27) “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain
28) “Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.” – Ross Perot
29) “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey
When dealing with deadlines…
30) “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
31) “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
32) “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” – Daniel J. Boorstin
33) “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
34) “Family — the ties that bind … and gag!” – Erma Bombeck
35) “Fear is the second toughest bitch in life. Do you know who comes first? You.” – Anonymous
Funny Life Quotes by Mae West
36) “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” – Mae West
37) “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” – Mae West
38) “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” – President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove
39) “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.” – Lawrence Welk
That’s some good advice!
40) “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder
41) “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” – David Letterman
42) “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edward Bergen
43) “Hold on, I’ve gotta overthink about it.” – Anonymous
44) “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
45) “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” – George Bernard Shaw
46) “Life is not a fairy tale. You lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.” – Anonymous
47) “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley
48) “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.” – Bill Watterson
49) “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra
Life is short so drive fast!
50) “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” – Stanley Hudson, The Office
51) “Life is like experiments. The more you try, the better you become.” – Anonymous
52) “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
53) “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman
54) “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Winston Churchill
55) “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” – Rose, The Golden Girls
56) “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” – Phil Connors, Groundhog Day
57) “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
58) “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus
59) “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes
When you realize you’re wrong…
60) “Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.” – Anonymous
61) “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
62) “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler
63) “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers
64) “Be perfect? Not today.” – Anonymous
65) “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead
Funny Life Quotes by Lily Tomlin
66) “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
67) “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
Funny Life Quotes by Groucho Marx
68) “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” – Groucho Marx
69) “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx
70) “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
71) “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Anonymous
Funny Life Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
72) “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
73) “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
74) “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.” – Anonymous
75) “Somedays you eat salad and work out. Somedays you have cupcakes and pizza. It’s called balance.” – Anonymous
76) “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” – Charlie Brown
77) “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
78) “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.” – James Branch Cabell
79) “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” – Mindy Kaling
Funny Life Quotes by George Carlin
80) “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin
81) “The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin
82) “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire
83) “The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
84) “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
85) “When you feel worthless, remember you were once the quickest sperm cell.” – Anonymous
86) “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov
87) “I wish I were a little kid so I can just take a nap and everyone will be proud of me.” – Anonymous
88) “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
89) “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
The secret of youth…
90) “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball
91) “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
92) “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel
Funny Life Quotes by Abraham Lincoln
93) “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln
94) “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? – Abraham Lincoln
95) “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea
96) “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes
97) “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
98) “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne
99) “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney
Let’s just say it…Women are wiser than men.
100) “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.” – James Thurber
101) “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
Please share these funny life quotes with your friends and family.
Last update on 2024-04-26 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API
