101 Hilarious Life Quotes to Brighten Your Day!

Life can be full of ups and downs, but there’s one thing that never fails to lighten the mood: a good laugh! Whether you’re facing a challenging day or simply looking for some lighthearted inspiration, we’ve got you covered with our collection of 101 funny life quotes.

From renowned comedians to witty philosophers, these quotes are bound to bring a smile to your face and maybe even leave you in stitches. Get ready to embark on a journey through the lighter side of life, as we explore the hilarity and absurdity of our human existence. So, sit back, relax, and let the laughter begin!

Let the funny life quotes begin!

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash

1) “A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” – Ogden Nash

2) “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding

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Seriously…I’m Kidding
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3) “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard

4) “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

5) “All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” – Sean O’Casey

6) “I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour.” – Anonymous

7) “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – The Dalai Lama

8) “As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett

Funny Life Quotes by Theodore Roosevelt

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month." - Theodore Roosevelt

9) “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” – Theodore Roosevelt

10) “When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Funny Life Quotes by Steven Wright

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you." - Steven Wright

11) “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

12) “What’s another word for Thesaurus?” – Steven Wright

13) “To be old and wise, you need to first be young and stupid.” – Anonymous

14) “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey

15) “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

16) “Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.” – Anonymous

17) “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White

18) “Between ‘go big or go home,’ I choose the latter.” – Anonymous

19) Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”
Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” – Bob and Peter, Office Space

You never know what you’re going to get.

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "Life is like a box of chocolates." - Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump

20) “Life is like a box of chocolates.” – Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump

21) “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.’ – Robert Frost

22) “You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.” – Milton Berle

23) “There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” – Henry Kissinger

Funny Life Quotes by Mark Twain

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society." - Mark Twain

24) “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain

25) “Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.” – Mark Twain

26) “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

27) “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” – Mark Twain

28) “Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.” – Ross Perot

29) “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey

When dealing with deadlines…

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

30) “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

31) “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard

32) “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” – Daniel J. Boorstin

33) “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

34) “Family — the ties that bind … and gag!” – Erma Bombeck

35) “Fear is the second toughest bitch in life. Do you know who comes first? You.” – Anonymous

Funny Life Quotes by Mae West

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." - Mae West

36) “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” – Mae West

37) “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” – Mae West

38) “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” – President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove

39) “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.” – Lawrence Welk

That’s some good advice!

40) “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder

41) “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” – David Letterman

42) “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edward Bergen

43) “Hold on, I’ve gotta overthink about it.” – Anonymous

44) “I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields

45) “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” – George Bernard Shaw

46) “Life is not a fairy tale. You lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.” – Anonymous

47) “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

48) “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.” – Bill Watterson

49) “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

Life is short so drive fast!

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos." - Stanley Hudson, The Office
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50) “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” – Stanley Hudson, The Office

51) “Life is like experiments. The more you try, the better you become.” – Anonymous

52) “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

53) “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman

54) “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Winston Churchill

55) “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” – Rose, The Golden Girls

56) “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” – Phil Connors, Groundhog Day

57) “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

58) “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus

59) “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

When you realize you’re wrong…

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong." - Anonymous

60) “Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.” – Anonymous

61) “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey

62) “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

63) “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” – Joan Rivers

64) “Be perfect? Not today.” – Anonymous

65) “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead

Funny Life Quotes by Lily Tomlin

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "The road to success is always under construction." - Lily Tomlin

66) “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

67) “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

Funny Life Quotes by Groucho Marx

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made." - Groucho Marx

68) “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” – Groucho Marx

69) “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

70) “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx

71) “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Anonymous

Funny Life Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later." - Mitch Hedberg

72) “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg

73) “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg

74) “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.” – Anonymous

75) “Somedays you eat salad and work out. Somedays you have cupcakes and pizza. It’s called balance.” – Anonymous

76) “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” – Charlie Brown

77) “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson

78) “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.” – James Branch Cabell

79) “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” – Mindy Kaling

Funny Life Quotes by George Carlin

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." - George Carlin
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80) “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” – George Carlin

81) “The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” – George Carlin

82) “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire

83) “The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

84) “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

85) “When you feel worthless, remember you were once the quickest sperm cell.” – Anonymous

86) “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov

87) “I wish I were a little kid so I can just take a nap and everyone will be proud of me.” – Anonymous

88) “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz

89) “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell

The secret of youth…

101 Hilarious Life Quotes - "The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." - Lucille Ball

90) “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball

91) “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

92) “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel

Funny Life Quotes by Abraham Lincoln

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

93) “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln

94) “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? – Abraham Lincoln

95) “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea

96) “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes

97) “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

98) “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

99) “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney

Let’s just say it…Women are wiser than men.

"Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more." - James Thurber

100) “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.” – James Thurber

101) “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis

Please share these funny life quotes with your friends and family.

Last update on 2024-04-21 / Affiliate links / Images from Amazon Product Advertising API

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