What’s your favorite Harry Potter joke? Well, you’re in luck because we’ve compiled 65 of the funniest Harry Potter jokes to make sure no one at Hogwarts is left out. These will have you laughing until your sides hurt and probably even long after! If you love funny Harry Potter content, don’t forget these memes!
The world of Harry Potter is filled with magic and wonder and so are these jokes and funny puns. So what are you waiting for? Scroll on down and enjoy yourself a good laugh or ten. Don’t forget to share these with all of your friends so they can get their daily dose of chuckles too!
Let the jokes begin!
1) What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn’t?
2) How does Harry Potter get down a hill?
Walking JK Rolling.
3) How does Harry Potter enter a door?
Through the Gryffin-door.
4) What did the Golden Snitch say when Harry Potter was itchy?
5) How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
6) How much does it cost Harry Potter and his friends to watch their favorite sport?
A quid each!
7) On a scale of one to ten, how obsessed am I with Harry Potter?
9 and 3/4!
8) Knock knock.
*Hedwig flies away*
9) Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
10) Knock knock.
Harry up it’s getting cold out here!
11) Why was Harry Potter sent to the principal’s office?
Because he was cursing in class.
12) What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?
13) Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?
Because he didn’t expect no-patrol-man.
Harry Potter Jokes featuring Voldemort
14) Why did Voldemort cross the road?
Because Harry Potter couldn’t stop him!
15) Hows does Voldemort enter a room?
He slithers in.
16) Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?
Because she gives him hugs and hisses.
17) Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
18) What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?
19) Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook?
Because he has only followers, not friends.
Harry Potter Jokes featuring Death Eaters
20) How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
21) Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
The Dark Lord ordered it.
Harry Potter Jokes featuring Professor Severus Snape
22) Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So you’d never know which side he was on.
Harry Potter Jokes featuring Professor Albus Dumbledore
23) Do you like Harry Potter?
Because I a-Dumbledore you!
24) Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?
Up his sleeve-y!
25) Knock knock.
This dumb o’l door won’t open, please let me in!
26) What do you call the entrance to a magical gym?
A Dumbbell door.
Harry Potter Jokes for all the wizards out there!
27) What’s a wizard’s favorite kind of cereal?
28) What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?
29) Knock knock.
He who must not be named.
He who must not be named who?
I can’t say who, that’s the whole point!
Let’s talk herbology…
30) Why is herbology Slytherin students’ favorite class?
Because it’s in the green house.
31) Why doesn’t snape teach herbology?
Because his lily died.
Harry Potter jokes featuring Hermione Granger.
32) What did Hermione do when Harry and Ron took the flying car to school?
33) What’s the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books?
A ginger with two friends.
34) Knock knock.
You know who?
Exactly! Avada Kedavra!
35) What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?
Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
Harry Potter Jokes featuring Alastor “Mad-eye” Moody
36) Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?
Because he can’t control his pupils.
37) Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
Because it was making him Moody.
Harry Potter jokes featuring the Malfoy family.
38) Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice?
Because he’s a double-crosser.
39) How do the Malfoys enter a building?
Harry Potter Jokes featuring Ron Weasley
40) You don’t get my Harry Potter jokes?
There must be something RON with you.
41) Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn’t want to elect RON.
42) Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?
They’re both cauld RON.
Harry Potter jokes featuring Sirius Black
43) What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?
Orange Is the New Black.
44) What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
Why so Sirius?
45) I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.
How many ______ does it take to screw in a light bulb?
46) How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. It is the only thing they are good for.
47) How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them.
48) How many harry potters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, he just stands there and the world revolves around him.
49) How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.
More jokes featuring your favorite characters!
50) What do you call a wizard with his hand in a Thestral’s mouth?
51) What is Aragog’s favorite day of the week?
52) Are you a Dementor?
You just took my breath away.
53) What is bigfoot’s favorite book?
54) What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?
55) Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
They were following Draco.
56) What do you call a postal carrier who can speak to packages?
A parcel tongue.
57) Why is Garrick Ollivander never home?
He’s a wanderer!
58) How do you get a mythical creature into your house?
Through the Gryffindor.
59) Do you know anyone who could teach me to play Quiddich?
I’m sure Oliver Wood.
60) Which Hogwarts master gets the blame for everything that goes wrong?
61) What language does the postman use when delivering to Hogwarts?
62) How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
Just one. She puts her wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.
63) Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?
Because he has a Longbottom.
64) Which side of a centaur has more hair?
65) How do you know if someone’s a pureblood?
Don’t worry they’ll let you know.
I hope you enjoyed these Harry Potter jokes and puns!
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