Sarcasm is something many people wish they had in their arsenal when it comes to creating a quick-witter sarcastic comment. It’s not something you have to be born with but with a little practice, everyone can become a king or queen of sarcasm by reading some funny sarcastic quotes.
When somebody insults you, it’s a war of words and a creative comeback can shut down any hater. We scoured the web for some of the best sarcastic quotes and present you with 67 of the best quotes ever! I hope you enjoy them and if you do, please share them on social media and spread the love.
1) Let the sarcastic quotes begin!
“Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.”
“I’m not always rude and sarcastic…Sometimes I’m asleep.”
3) Sarcastic Quotes by Oscar Wilde
“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” – Oscar Wilde
6) Funny sarcastic quotes that are 100% relatable.
“It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull.”
“Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.”
“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”
“Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.”
10) Sarcasm quotes that make you think!
“Sarcasm: Because murder charges are expensive.”
“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”
12) Sarcastic quotes for friends AND enemies…
“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”
“I clapped because it’s finished…Not because I liked it…”
14) Sarcastic Quotes by Robin Williams
“Do you think God gets stoned? I think so…look at the platypus.” – Robin Williams
“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams
“Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.” – Robin Williams
17) Sarcastic quotes about people and life in general.
“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”
“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”
“Find your patience before I lose mine.”
20) Time to follow sarcastic quoters…
“*follows diet* *diet doesn’t follow back* *unfollows diet*”
“Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”
22) Are you enjoying these sarcastic quotes? I told you so.
“The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.” – Gore Vidal
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder
“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
25) Sarcastic quotes on stupidity.
“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.” – Walter Kerr
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck
27) Sarcastic quotes for the haters.
“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban
“Sorry honey, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.”
30) Humor and sarcastic quotes go together!
“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit [censored] finding me.”
32) Sarcastic quotes by Albert Einstein.
“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.” – Albert Einstein
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” – Albert Einstein
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
35) Just understand these sarcastic quotes, Homer!
“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” – Homer Simpson
“Murphy’s Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.”
37) We’ll just say it. These are sarcastic quotes about idiots.
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
“Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.”
“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
40) Gotta love funny sarcastic quotes about marriage!
“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.”
“Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!” – Groucho Marx
43) Here’s some sarcastic quotes for Instagram…
“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”
“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Blink, Monday.”
45) More sarcastic quotes about life.
“I’m not saying I hate you. What I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
“I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.”
“People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.”
“The road to success is always under construction.”
50) Sarcastic quotes that walk a fine line between rude and funny.
“I’m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn’t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.”
“Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid.”
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Winnie the Pooh from “Christopher Robin”
“I’m not saying I hate you. But, I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
55) Funny sarcastic quotes for work!
“So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out.”
“There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.”
“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” – Woody Allen
60) Sarcastic quotes about love and relationships.
“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” – Woody Allen
“Sarcasm – The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
“If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV channel.”
“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
64) Oh no! We’ve almost reached the end of sarcastic quotes…
“What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.” – Aldous Huxley
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
“I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing “K” instead of “OK”?”
67) I hope you enjoyed these sarcastic quotes.
“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes are closed.”
Please share these sarcastic quotes with your friends and family.