67 Sarcastic Quotes to Inspire Your Next Quick-Witted Comeback

Sarcasm is something many people wish they had in their arsenal when it comes to creating a quick-witter sarcastic comment. It’s not something you have to be born with but with a little practice, everyone can become a king or queen of sarcasm by reading some funny sarcastic quotes.

When somebody insults you, it’s a war of words and a creative comeback can shut down any hater. We scoured the web for some of the best sarcastic quotes and present you with 67 of the best quotes ever! I hope you enjoy them and if you do, please share them on social media and spread the love.

1) Let the sarcastic quotes begin!

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip."
Pinterest

“Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.”

2)

"I’m not always rude and sarcastic...Sometimes I’m asleep."
boldomatic.com

“I’m not always rude and sarcastic…Sometimes I’m asleep.”

3) Sarcastic Quotes by Oscar Wilde

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
Twitter / @tim_fargo

“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

4)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
Pinterest

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

5)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast." - Oscar Wilde
Pinterest

“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” – Oscar Wilde

6) Funny sarcastic quotes that are 100% relatable.

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull."
theattitudequotes.com

“It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull.”

7)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will."
Pinterest

“Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.”

8)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?"
Pinterest

“Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”

9)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent."
Pinterest

“Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.”

10) Sarcasm quotes that make you think!

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Sarcasm: Because murder charges are expensive."
Pinterest

“Sarcasm: Because murder charges are expensive.”

11)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead."
suck3rpunch

“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”

12) Sarcastic quotes for friends AND enemies…

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?"
lovelyinsults.com

“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”

13)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "I clapped because it’s finished...Not because I liked it..."
Pinterest

“I clapped because it’s finished…Not because I liked it…”

14) Sarcastic Quotes by Robin Williams

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Do you think God gets stoned? I think so...look at the platypus." - Robin Williams
greatesttweets.com

“Do you think God gets stoned? I think so…look at the platypus.” – Robin Williams

15)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." - Robin Williams
quotehd.com

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams

16)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures." - Robin Williams
minimalistquotes.com

“Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.” – Robin Williams

17) Sarcastic quotes about people and life in general.

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Everyone seems normal until you get to know them."
Pinterest

“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”

18)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."
Pinterest

“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”

19)

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "Find your patience before I lose mine."
coolnsmart.com

“Find your patience before I lose mine.”

20) Time to follow sarcastic quoters…

67 Sarcastic Quotes - "*follows diet* *diet doesn't follow back* *unfollows diet*"
Pinterest

“*follows diet* *diet doesn’t follow back* *unfollows diet*”

21)

"Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here."
Pinterest

“Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”

22) Are you enjoying these sarcastic quotes? I told you so.

"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so." - Gore Vidal
csuitemind.com

“The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.” – Gore Vidal

23)

"If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you." - Billy Wilder
Twitter / @dazedbycinema

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder

24)

"If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor."
Pinterest

“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

25) Sarcastic quotes on stupidity.

"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them." - Walter Kerr
quotetab.com

“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.” – Walter Kerr

26)

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery." - Erma Bombeck
purelovequotes.com

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck

27) Sarcastic quotes for the haters.

"I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today."
me.me

“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

28)

"History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." - Abba Eban
idlehearts.com

“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban

29)

"Sorry honey, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours."
Pinterest

“Sorry honey, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.”

30) Humor and sarcastic quotes go together!

"I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
boldomatic.com

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”

31)

"If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit [censored] finding me."
boldomatic.com

“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit [censored] finding me.”

32) Sarcastic quotes by Albert Einstein.

"In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep." - Albert Einstein
magicalquote.com

“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.” – Albert Einstein

33)

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." - Albert Einstein
Reddit

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” – Albert Einstein

34)

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell." - Joan Crawford
Pinterest

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

35) Just understand these sarcastic quotes, Homer!

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." - Homer Simpson
Twitter / @MaddisonCaprica

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” – Homer Simpson

36)

"Murphy's Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."
100xhahaha.com

“Murphy’s Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.”

37) We’ll just say it. These are sarcastic quotes about idiots.

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak."
picturequotes.com

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”

38)

"Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle."
riddlester.co

“Look at you, you’re in perfect shape. For a circle.”

39)

"I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words."
Pinterest

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

40) Gotta love funny sarcastic quotes about marriage!

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
quotes4sharing.com

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

41)

"Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter."
quoteslyfe.com

“Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.”

42)

"Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!" - Groucho Marx
quotehd.com

“Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!” – Groucho Marx

43) Here’s some sarcastic quotes for Instagram…

"Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either."
boldomatic.com

“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

44)

"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Blink, Monday."
Pinterest

“Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Blink, Monday.”

45) More sarcastic quotes about life.

"I’m not saying I hate you. What I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life."
memegenersator.net

“I’m not saying I hate you. What I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

46)

"It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste."
Pinterest

“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

47)

"I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it."
funny-memes.org

“I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.”

48)

"People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite."
me.me

“People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.”

49)

"The road to success is always under construction."
teachercreated.com

“The road to success is always under construction.”

50) Sarcastic quotes that walk a fine line between rude and funny.

"I'm sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn't really prepared for any follow-up conversation."
imgur

“I’m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn’t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.”

51)

"Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid."
Pinterest

“Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid.”

52)

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." - Winnie the Pooh from "Christopher Robin"
Pinterest

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Winnie the Pooh from “Christopher Robin”

53)

"I’m not saying I hate you. But, I would unplug your life support to charge my phone."
boldomatic.com

“I’m not saying I hate you. But, I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”

54)

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."
lolzombie.com

“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

55) Funny sarcastic quotes for work!

"So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out."
Pinterest

“So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out.”

56)

"There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist."
me.me

“There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you is a psychiatrist.”

57)

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence." - Ashleigh Brilliant
idlehearts.com

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

58)

"I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."
boldomatic.com

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

59)

"I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." - Woody Allen
idlehearts.com

“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” – Woody Allen

60) Sarcastic quotes about love and relationships.

"Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." - Woody Allen
spiritbutton.com

“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” – Woody Allen

61)

"Sarcasm - The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it."
boldomatic.com

“Sarcasm – The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

62)

"If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV channel."
me.me

“If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV channel.”

63)

"If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ."
Twitter / @reactjpg

“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”

64) Oh no! We’ve almost reached the end of sarcastic quotes…

"What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera." - Aldous Huxley
Facebook / The Ancient Sage

“What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.” – Aldous Huxley

65)

"When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark."
boldomatic.com

“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

66)

"I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK"?"
coolfunnyquotes.com

“I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing “K” instead of “OK”?”

67) I hope you enjoyed these sarcastic quotes.

"You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes are closed."
Pinterest

“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes are closed.”

Please share these sarcastic quotes with your friends and family.

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