29 Funny Twitter Quotes and Tweets

I remember when I first tweeted in 2009. At the time, some could say I was late to the party but I’m glad I created an account because Twitter has grown to be a great place to share your thoughts, feelings, and photos with the world. It’s also a great place to find funny Twitter quotes and tweets!

There are literally thousands if not millions of funny Twitter quotes so choosing some favorites wasn’t easy; however, I curated 29 tweets from funny Twitter users that really made me laugh. Here are some of my personal favorites and I hope you enjoy them!

Let the funny Twitter quotes begin!

1) “Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted ‘Yes girl remix!!'”

2) “I don’t text first. Me: I’ll be back when you’re mature.”

3) “British people be like I’m Bri-ish.”

4) “[commercial on TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Me, as an adult: Hey, I’m on that medication.”

5) “Crabs always look like they’re walking themselves out of an awkward situation.”

6) “Do u ever just meet one person and at first it is awkward then u start talking and it’s like ‘Holy [censored] where have u been all my life.'”

7) “‘Eat her already!’ – Animal watching people kissing.”

8) “I’m just finna get tatted I don’t care what my momma says. What she gonna do scratch it off.”

9) “I hate it when people use their zodiac to justify their [censored] behavior like ‘Sorry I can’t help it, I am a Scorpio‘. No Susan, you’re just a [censored].”

10) “How I talk: 25% swearing. 25% sarcasm. 50% a combination of both.”

11) “Honestly, Officer, I wouldn’t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.”

12) “When I see someone hot walk by.”

13) “I just ate Burger King, what are you gonna do about it? Feel sorry for you.”

14) “If you remember this then you’ve been through the ‘No internet’ struggle.”

15) “Ma mum just called ma dad a ‘walking disaster bastard of a man’ cos he left the wardrobe doors open.”

I hope you’re enjoying these funny tweets!

16) “Me tryna figure out women.”

17) “My mom caught me talking to myself and called me weird???? Girl if u don’t leave us alone.”

18) “When parents say to kids ‘Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.’ It’s really good practice for what you’ll do every night as an adult.”

19) “Me right now.”

20) “Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza and sunglasses.”

21) “So weird to think about: The person you will marry is currently walking the earth, living their own life, creating memories that you’ll hear about years from now.”

22) “Some woman on my train just said ‘Yum I smell a chocolate orange’ and her mate turns to her and said ‘No Laura you fat cow, it’s an actual orange’. Nearly spat my coffee everywhere.”

23) “Someone sacrifice a pizza or something I’m getting bored of goats.”

24) “That awkward moment where there’s an awkward moment, and everyone knows it’s an awkward moment, then somebody says, ‘AWWWKKKKWAAARRDD!'”

25) “Tips to see if she’s a keeper: 1) Take her to Chick-fil-A on the first date. 2) If she asks to go somewhere else, she isn’t the one.”

26) “To the guy who stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.”

27) “Just tried a coat on in TK Maxx. It was the coat of a customer trying on another coat. I can never leave the house again.”

28) “When you do the entire group project on your own: Jacobs by Marc Jacobs for Marc by Marc Jacobs in collaboration with Marc Jacobs for Marc by Marc Jacobs.”

29) “You know you’re an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert’s side over Ernie’s.”

I hope you enjoyed these funny Twitter quotes!

“We’re done with the tweets.”

Please share these funny Twitter quotes with your friends and family.