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This Funny Guide to Dog Breeds Will Help You Choose Your Next Dog

Choosing a dog takes care and knowledge to ensure you get the best pet for your family and the best family for your pet. In other words, both parties have to be happy with each other.

Dog breeds each have their own traits and personalities and it’s important they align with your own family. St. Louis-based artist Grace Gogarty has created an illustrated guide to dog breeds and the descriptions are simply hilarious. According to Bored Panda, Gogarty has worked at a doggy daycare and has experienced caring for each of these breeds first hand.

St. Louis-based artist Grace Gogarty has created an illustrated guide to dog breeds and it’s hilarious!

St. Louis-based artist Grace Gogarty has created an illustrated guide to dog breeds and it's hilarious!
Instagram / Grace Gogarty

Large Dog Breeds

1) Rottweiler

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Rottweiler.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • “You wanna go right now?! Let’s go, I’ll f*** you up, bro!!”
  • Scared of leaves.

2) Husky

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Husky.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Made to be trekking thru 3 feet of snow.
  • Living with you in Kentucky now.
  • “Exercise me 6 hours every day or I’ll eat this couch!!”
  • Distinguished vocalist.

3) Akita

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Akita.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Tsundere (A Japanese term that describes a person who is initially cold (and sometimes even hostile) before gradually showing a warmer, friendlier side over time.)
  • Sheds its bodyweight in fur every day.
  • It would 100% die for you.

4) Bernese Mountain Dog

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Bernese Mountain Dog.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Social anxiety stems from not being able to be picked up anymore.
  • Had another dream you yelled at them and just wants to make it up to you.

5) German Shepherd

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - German Shepherd.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • “Did someone say BARK for 4 hours again?!”
  • Only loves 1 person.
  • Still won’t listen to them.

6) Great Dane

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Great Dane.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Weird horse.
  • “It’s naptime again.”
  • Trying really hard not to whip things off the countertop with their tail.
  • Not actually trying that hard…

7) Dobermann

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Dobermann.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Movies and TV have lied to you.
  • Scared of even themselves.

8) Newfoundland

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Newfoundland.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Drooled out most of their brain cells.
  • Hasn’t quite figured out the phrase “don’t jump up!”.
  • “Thinkin’ bout you.”

9) Golden Retriever

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Golden Retriever.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Every second not being a pet is gonna be a problem.
  • Level 5 clinger.
  • Would like every genre except rap and country.

Medium Dog Breeds

10) Pitbulls

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Pitbulls.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Gentle angel baby OR neurotic mess.
  • No in-between.

11) Border Collies

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Border Collies.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Made to be toiling in the fields.
  • But stuck here now.
  • Pure anxiety.
  • Will run until they bleed.

12) Labs

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Labs.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Yellow labs: traded brain cells for friendliness and a food machine.
  • Chocolate labs: Pure insanity and exudes demonic energy.
  • Black labs: Loyal and holding it together for everyone. Black labs also make great babysitters!

13) Boxers

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Boxers.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Social skills with fellow dogs severely lacking.
  • Boundaries??
  • Either sleeping or freaking out.

14) Poodles and Doodles

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Poodles and Doodles.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Smart enough to know what you’re saying.
  • Disregards it anyway.

Small Dog Breeds

15) Shih Tzu

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Shih Tzu.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • “Please, hold me…”
  • Stinky, yet eternal.

16) Pug

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Pug.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • “Please ma’am, they don’t feed me at home…”
  • Definitely gets fed at home.
  • Functioning mess.

17) Bulldog

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Bulldog.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • “I’m ANGRY and I don’t know why.”
  • OK, I forgive you.
  • Untold secrets hidden in folds.

18) Dachshund

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Dachshund.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • “I hope they breed me longer so I can reach the countertop…”

19) Yorkshire Terrier

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Yorkshire Terrier.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • “Pick me up!”
  • “No, put me down.”
  • “AAAAAH!”

20) Chihuahua

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Chihuahua.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Wants to love but doesn’t know how sometimes.
  • Tremble.
  • *Strangers DON’T INTERACT*
  • Could be the exact opposite.

21) Bichon Frise

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Bichon Frise.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Enchanted cloud.

22) Maltese

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Maltese.
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • Enchanted mop.

23) Shiba Inu

Funny Guide to Dog Breeds - Shiba Inu
Instagram / Grace Gogarty
  • “Don’t FUC**** touch me, bro!!”
  • Screaming.

H/t: Bored Panda

I had a couple of breeds on this list and I’d say the description is pretty accurate! Please share this hilarious guide to dog breeds by artist Grace Gogarty with your friends and family.

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