If you’re looking for a good laugh, then you’ve come to the right place! Here are 101 of the best dark humor jokes around. But be warned! These jokes are not for the faint-hearted! But if you’re up for a good chuckle, then read on.
When compiling this list, I often asked myself, “Why is dark humor so popular?” Some people find it offensive, while others find it hilarious. No matter what your opinion is, there’s no denying that dark humor is everywhere. So, if you’re the type of person that likes your humor on the edgy side, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride! If on the other hand, you’re easily offended, then I would recommend hitting the “Back” button on your browser! Nothing to see here, move along…LOL!
Let the dark humor jokes begin!
1) A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you for anything, can I!”
2) An apple a day keeps the doctor away…Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
3) My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
4) As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
5) I’ve been looking for my ex-boyfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
6) I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
7) What do you call a lesbian with long nails? Single.
8) Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
9) I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!
Dark humor = Good jokes?
10) You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
11) My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting that we “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
12) Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
13) Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.
14) What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say? “T. rex, I’m coming for my hug!”
15) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
16) Man: How do you prepare your chicken? Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
17) When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
18) The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
19) My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Encouraging people to give more…
20) Yesterday I donated my phone, watch, and wallet to a poor guy. You can’t imagine the happiness that I felt as I saw him putting the gun back in his pocket.
21) I dug in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
22) When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
23) My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
24) Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
25) My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now, he’ll know what rejection feels like.
26) My family is like a treasure. You need a map and a shovel to find them.
27) A father to his 6-year-old son: “No, Liam, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every night in the bed next to me.”
28) Fathers take an extra pair of socks to golf in case they get a hole-in-one.
29) What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? None. Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate.
Dark humor jokes with no limits!
30) I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
31) I’ll never forget my dad’s last words, “erase my search history, son.”
32) My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
33) Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
34) A man thought he was going to die when the doctor told him, “you’ll be at peace soon.” The doctor meant the man’s wife was dying.
35) A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
36) I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
37) I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
38) He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.
39) Wife: “Honey, I’m pregnant.” Husband: “Hi Pregnant, I’m the dad.” Wife: “No you’re not.”
That sounds about right…
40) How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
41) My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
42) I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
43) If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
44) It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
45) My wife/husband is insisting we have another kid. It’s a good thing because I don’t like the one we have right now.
46) My girlfriend, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose,” I told her.
47) What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere.
48) It turns out that a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
49) I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
I won’t argue with that!
50) What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind as it hits a windshield? Its butt!
51) Do you know the one place where “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” don’t mean the same thing? A funeral.
52) They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
53) I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
54) Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
55) A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
56) The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
57) My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn’t even care.
58) Never break someone’s heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
59) You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Gotta love funny dark humor jokes!
60) Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
61) “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is an excellent saying until you realize that you’re adopted.
62) Option 1: Let’s eat grandma. Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma. There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.
63) The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
64) My parents raised me as an only child, which annoyed my younger brother.
65) Patient: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” Doctor: “To the morgue.” Patient: “What? But I’m not dead yet!” Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
66) What do peanut butter and strippers have in common? They both spread for bread.
67) What do you call people that insist on using the “pull out” method? Parents.
68) I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
69) I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.
Dark humor jokes that could pass as dad jokes!
70) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
71) When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
72) Sex is like air. It only matters if you are not getting any.
73) Why should you never fart in an Apple store? Because they don’t have windows.
74) Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me? Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
75) I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
76) A teacher asked students to use “beans” in a sentence. A girl said, “my father grows beans.” A boy said, “my mother cooks beans.” said a boy. The third student said, “we are all human beans.”
77) I’d tell you a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
78) Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
79) That moment when you notice that one fork isn’t very clean when you’re setting the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
Dark humor jokes and good manners go hand in hand.
80) I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but no, she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
81) My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her.
82) The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
83) They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
84) I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
85) Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
86) Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick.
87) Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?” “Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, “OK, now what?”
88) When two vegan parents get into an argument, is it still called beef?
89) I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Dark humor jokes about friends leaving…
90) I visited a friend at his house. He said to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
91) I was at the park the other day when a mother sat down beside me. After a while, she leaned over and asked, “Which one is yours?” I looked at her and said, “I haven’t decided yet.”
92) When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
93) Welcome to plastic surgery. Nice to see so many new faces.
94) Went to Disneyland because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
95) My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste.”
96) What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
97) When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was, to be Frank in Stein.
98) Where did Jack go after getting lost in a minefield? Everywhere.
99) Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
100) My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
101) You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
I hope you enjoyed these dark humor jokes!
“I’m definitely telling God about this!”
Please share these dark humor jokes with your friends and family.
