31 Funny Texts Will Make You LOL

I LOVE smartphones and while I grew up without them, I can’t believe what I’d do without a smartphone! Text messages are the new way of communication and are perfect for introverts like me. They are quick and convenient, and you can send them to anyone no matter where they are. But sometimes, people send funny texts that are embarrassing, weird, or just plain hilarious.

Whether it’s an inside joke with your best friend or a random text from your mom that just made you chuckle, the following 31 funny texts are 100% relatable. We scoured the interwebs for some of the funniest texts ever and I hope they make you laugh. Enjoy!

Let the funny texts begin!

1) “Dad? Am I adopted? No why the [censored] would I pick you?”

2) “And I swear if I see your typing bubble before I finish I’m going to have a fit. Birch, I see you. Put that down.”

3) “Why are you not at church?!?! Who is this? God. Why are you texting in church? Pay attention.”

4) “Jeez, my arms are so sore holy [censored]. Baby chain. Ok, I meant to type ‘good’ but I saw a string of kindergartners on the street holding onto a rope to stay together as I typed but right now I’m more concerned with the fact that you didn’t feel the need to ask for clarification.”

5) “So canonically Obama had 8.76 toes. What do you mean canonically? Are you implying Obama is fictional?”

Wrong person texts are embarrassing!

6) “Consider this a [censored] warning. Wait. Wrong person.”

7) “Dad…I got detention today. What did you do? The teacher was going on about how our class is impossible to teach and said one of us should try teaching the class for a day. And? I stood up, walked to the front of the class, and said ‘Class dismissed.’ LAMO That’s my boy! You’re still grounded though.”

8) “Dude what is your street name? Lil Marco. Do you live on a street called Lil Marco? Ohhhh you meant my address?”

9) “Hannah Montana was a con artist. Exactly. Okay so here’s something I don’t understand so in Hannah Montana there’s an episode where Miley gets pulled over but she only has her Hannah Montana driver’s license which doesn’t make sense because why would Hannah Montana need a driver’s license. Like where would be going she had a driver but more importantly, this license can’t be legal because there is no Hannah Montana it’s just a pseudonym but you need a social security number and proof of address and stuff to get a license so unless Billy Ray and Stewart family are committing identity fraud this wouldn’t logically make sense.”

Playing Mariah Carey for 3 hours?!

10) “I know I’m a horrible roommate/part of why u can’t trust men but it’s 5 am and you’ve been playing Mariah Carey for 3 hours and I’m going…”

11) “If I was cloned I think I would probably kick my own ass…Like IDK I was just thinking abt it and I’m like 100% sure I’d kick my ass. I know all my own weaknesses I could fight…”

12) “Is it Allah cart? Lmaooo what? The restaurant, is it Allah cart? It’s a la carte you cement head.”

13) “You know, people treat me like a god. How? They ignore my existence unless they need something from me.”

14) “Dude, me and Nick are about to go to a Giants game! Box seats wanna go?? Nick and I…What?? It’s Nick and I. Me and Nick is not proper grammar dude. You are right! It is Nick and I because you are no longer invited.”

15) “This might be the funniest text I’ve ever gotten from my mom: This is not normal.”

Funny mom texts are the best!

16) “Mom stop you are not funny. You never make jokes. I made you.”

17) “My nail guy got no [censored] chill. See u then and we can go from there. Okay, love. Hi dear. Hey Cong how are you!!! This is Cong’s wife. Just let u know that Cong passed away 2 days ago. What…Yes. Just kidding it is me LOL. Cong WTF.”

18) “[Parallel universe where people drink piss] Bartender: What’ll it be. Me: Piss. Hi, this reminded me of you I miss you I hope you’re safe and doing ok.”

19) “Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater. [Auto-Reply] I’m driving right now – I’ll get back to you later. [censored] you.”

Funny texts are the best!

20) “So what do you do for a living? I work with a group of professionals for a multi-billion dollar company that specializes in the careful packaging and transport of food to local civilians. Wow, that sounds very rewarding! Which company? Domino’s. So you…Deliver pizza? Not all heroes wear capes, Michael.”

21) “Thanksgiving dinner is at my house on Nov. 24 at 3:00 pm. Let me know if you’re coming. Hope to see you all. Of course that includes Amanda and Justin. Who are those…Your grandma. Grandma? Can I have a picture? Of who? You lol. Yes, here I’m at work. You are not my grandma. Can I still get a plate tho? Of course, you can. That’s what grandmas do…Feed everyone. 2016, 2017…2018. We went to the pumpkin patch today.”

22) “The mafia in my hometown ran a pizza chain as a front and it got so popular that the head of the family just stopped doing crimes and they do pizza full time now.”

23) “There are lightly fried fish fillets for dinner. Dad, it’s 1:15 am wtf. Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not. Well I mean yeah. Mhm thought so come on downstairs they’re still hot. Wait what did you just make them? Yes, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make some lightly fried fish fillets. Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time dad.”

24) “This is the funniest text I have ever received in my entire life and I want it put on my grave: Ok listen. Your vibes were off at Apple Bees.”

Non-delivered texts can make ALL the difference in a conversation.

25) “What’s up? Dude, you’re going to kill me. I was a little drunk last night and talking to your wife and I ended up banging her car in the driveway when I pulled out. I think I hit your daughter’s bike too. I’ll come to fix it later, but please say sorry for me to your wife and your daughter.”

26) “This is us. Look at this meme. I’ve already seen it. I saw that earlier.”

27) “Waters flavor is its temperature. What the [censored]. Sorry I needed to tell someone. What the [censored]. Actually what the [censored]. Why does that make sense.”

28) “This text from my father is funnier than anything I’ve ever said: What was the horse for. To cheer up the little sad man.”

29) “Why are you posting on Facebook about not having nut in November? If you developed a nut allergy I need to modify my recipes. Call me back.”

Don’t stand so close to me.

30) “You remind me of the sun because you’re pretty hot. Oh, I thought it’s because I will literally kill you if you come too close to me.”

31) “Your party was awesome dude, epic! I’m surprised you remembered it lol. Lol, why do you say that? Because you were drunk. I was NOT! Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story.”

I hope you enjoyed these funny texts!

“I’m laughing already.”

Please share these funny texts with your friends and family.