Love and marriage is a wonderful thing but it’s often not as glamorous as many single people expect. We all have to do the same boring tasks that need to be done but now we have someone to share those tasks with!
Married couples realize they are better together but marriage still comes with its share of quirks. Here are 18 funny tweets that only married people will understand.
1) There actually was a one time?
“My husband still talks about that one time he loaded the dishwasher correctly like it’s going to get our kids into Harvard.”
2) Stupid is what stupid does.
“Accountant: You’re basically broke. Wife: He keeps spending money on stupid stuff. Me: Let’s ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid.”
3) Brilliant funny tweet!
“Wife: It’s like every man on earth has to share one brain. Me: [can’t think of a comeback because it’s not my turn to use the brain.]”
4) Being cautious.
“Wife: Why is your back all scratched up? [flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone.] Me: I’m having an affair.”
5) True love.
“[out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It’s not one of ours. [we fist bump]”
6) There is always room for tacos…and funny tweets.
“Wife: I’m going to grab some dinner, you want anything? Me: No thanks, I’m stuffed. Wife: Ok, I’m going to Taco… Me: I’ll have 9 tacos.”
7) One for you. One for me.
“Wife: Can you bring me my pill and some water? Me: Yep *gets distracted* *takes her pill* *brings her another one* Me: It’s happened again.”
8) I can so relate to this funny tweet.
“Relationship status: My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.”
9) Politics. Toilet paper. Pretty much the same thing.
“It’s Friday night, so my wife and I drank wine and talked politics. Just kidding. We had a 20 minute argument over brands of toilet paper.”
10) It must have been epic though.
“Me: Want me to make dinner. Wife: Nah it’s ok honey, I know you’re still tired from doing it back in 2003.”
11) Marriage also teaches you to leave the seat down.
“Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I’ve learned that I don’t need to use so many paper towels, and they’re expensive.”
12) I want my HGTV and more funny tweets.
“*complains about wife watching HGTV all the time* *goes on business trip* *watches HGTV in the hotel room*”
13) “What?!”
“90% of being married is just shouting ‘what’ from other rooms.”
14) You’ll never do it right.
“Before I got married I didn’t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.”
15) This funny tweet sounds about right.
“I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words…Were you fired??”
16) Being thoughtful.
“Wife: You forgot to turn the TV off last night. [flashback to me leaving it on so the dog could finish watching Air Bud] Me: No I didn’t.”
17) I can’t forget that important Facebook birthday post.
“*ignores husband for the entirety of our dinner date so I can write him the perfect birthday post on FB*”
18) He may be on to something with this funny tweet…
“Marriage is just texting each other ‘Do we need anything from the grocery store?’ a bunch of times until of of you dies.”
Being married does have its perks but these funny tweets sure hit home if you are married. Please share these funny tweets that only married people will understand with your friends and family.
