103 Funny Marriage Quotes About What It’s Like to Tie the Knot

I have a lot of respect for the institution of marriage; however, that doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun on the topic with funny marriage quotes.

Just like any relationship, marriages take a lot of work by BOTH people but what you get in return is so worth it. Here are 103 funny marriage quotes that poke a little fun at being married. If you like them, don’t forget these marriage memes!

1) Let the funny marriage quotes begin!

“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”

2) “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” – André Maurois

3) “It’s amazing how one day someone walks into your life, and you cannot remember how you ever lived without them.” – Unknown

4) “God doesn’t want me to be a ‘fix him’ wife, God wants me to be a ‘love him’ wife.” – Lysa TerKeurst

5) “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

6) “So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me…Every day.” – Nicholas Sparks

7) “True love stands by each other’s side on good days and stands closer on bad days.” – Unknown

8) “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Philip

9) “Where there is love there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi

10) Some VERY good advice.

“Before marrying someone, you should make them use a computer with slow internet, just to see who they really are.”

11) “A husband and wife may disagree on many things, but they must absolutely agree on this: to never, ever give up.” – Unknown

12) “To fully know and still fully love, is the primary aim of marriage.” – Fierce Marriage

13) “Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” –Franz Schubert

14) “If I know what love is, it is because of you.” – Hermann Hasse

15) “In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” – Mignon McLaughlin

16) “Marriage is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” – Mae West

17) “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill

18) “A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” – Unknown

19) “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

20) Don’t you feel special?

“Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.”

21) “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

22) “The essence of marriage is companionship, and the woman you face across the coffee urn every morning for ninety-nine years must be both able to appreciate your jokes and to sympathize with your aspirations.” – Elbert Hubbard

23) “If I get married, I want to be very married.” – Audrey Hepburn

24) “Marriage. The roots are deep, the covenant is solid, love is sweet, life is hard, and God is good.” – John Piper

25) “Marriages are like fingerprints; each one is different and each one is beautiful.” – Maggie Reyes

26) “Never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without.” – Unknown

27) “Nothing can bring a real sense of security into the home except true love.” – Billy Graham

28) “Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset.” – Ann Landers

29) “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, and the third for companionship.” – Jackie Kennedy

30) Happy wife, happy life.

“If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.”

31) “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” – Dave Meurer

32) “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

33) “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

34) “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft

35) “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate then when I fall asleep your eyes close.” – Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

36) “Love, laughter, and happily ever after.” – Unknown

37) “Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.” – Ellen Key

38) “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen

39) “To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.” – Mark Twain

40) Safe marriage quotes to live by.

“Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.”

41) “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham

42) “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

43) “Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.” – Abraham Lincoln

44) “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.” – Unknown

45) “Love is like a beautiful flower which I may not touch, but whose fragrance makes the garden a place of delight just the same.” – Helen Keller

46) “Marriage is not about age; it’s about finding the right person.” – Sophia Bush

47) “Never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without.” – Unknown

48) “Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.” – Harville Hendrix

49) “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

50) Love hurts.

“I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.”

51) “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.” – Unknown

52) “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.” – Henry Ford

53) “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin

54) “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck

55) “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” – Maya Angelou

56) “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers

57) “To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.” – Criss Jami

58) “The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child

59) “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to be loved by the person you love is everything.” – Unknown

60) Happy Marriage Quotes Lesson #104: Always agree.

“Listening to your wife is like reading the terms & conditions of a website. You understand nothing, but still, you say: ‘I agree!'”

61) “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

62) “I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each other’s gaps…Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people; you can set your watch by them. And that’s love, even if it doesn’t seem very exciting.” – Sylvester Stallone

63) “Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there.” – George Burns

64) “Marriage is a gift from God to us. The quality of our marriage is our gift to Him.” – Unknown

65) “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” – Martin Luther

Marriage Quotes by Fawn Weaver

66) “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.” – Fawn Weaver

67) “Marriage: Love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. Til’ death do us part is the length.” – Fawn Weaver

68) “The great marriages are partnerships. It can’t be a great marriage without being a partnership.” – Helen Mirren

69) “They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

70) That sounds about right.

“When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.”

71) “I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.” – Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

72) “If you live to be a hundred, I wish to live a hundred minus one, so I never have to live without you.” – Unknown

73) “In terms of my marriage, you know, falling in love with my husband was by far the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” – Caroline Kennedy

74) “The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don’t find very often, then that is what love is all about.” – Bruce Forsyth

75) “The highest happiness on earth is marriage.” – William Lyon Phelps

76) “There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.” – Ronald Reagan

77) “To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash

Marriage Quotes by Oscar Wilde

78) “Who, being loved, is poor?” – Oscar Wilde

79) “You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” – Oscar Wilde

80) Being considerate with marriage quotes.

“Marriage. At least he’s using a coaster.”

81) “I have a best friend as a husband, and he is my number one supporter. He’s a family man, and he’s always giving back to God. That is what makes him a beautiful man. We’re not perfect by any means, but that makes us beautiful as well. We’re not afraid to say we’re not perfect. We have our disagreements, but that comes along with marriage.” – Tamera Mowry

82) “Marriage is a commitment- a decision to do, all through life, that which will express your love for one’s spouse.” – Herman H. Kieval

83) “If I had a flower for every time thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.” – Alfred Tennyson

84) “Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.” – St. Jerome

85) “Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit.” – Cate Blanchett

86) “My husband has made me laugh. Wiped my tears. Hugged me tight. Watched me succeed. Seen me fail. Kept me strong. My husband is a promise that I will have a friend forever.” – Unknown

87) “I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe

88) “The only thing better than having you as my husband is our children having you as their daddy.” – Unknown

89) “Love is a friendship set to music.” – Joseph Campbell

90) I couldn’t have said it better myself.

“Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry. They argue and disagree all the time, but they still can’t live without each other.”

91) “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu

92) “Best friends for life, husband and wife.” – Unknown

93) “Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.” – John Gottman

94) “Marriage has made me a lot happier and I’m deeply in love with my wife, and I thank God for her every day.” – Harry Connick, Jr.

95) “Husband and wife relationships are like the relationship of Tom and Jerry. Though they are teasing and fighting, but can’t live without each other.” – Unknown

96) “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” – Fred Rogers

Oh no! We’ve almost reached the end of our list of marriage quotes…

97) “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” – Barbara De Angelis

98) “That’s my prescription for a happy marriage – marry someone who doesn’t do anything similar to what you do.” – Maxine Kumin

99) “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman

100) “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

101) “What is Love? I have met in the streets a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, the water passed through his shoes and the stars through his soul.” – Victor Hugo

102) “The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn’t marry me.” – Robert Brault

103) “Your marriage is a glorious bond but don’t take it as an easy task. It is meant to be worked upon – similar to all of your other relationships.” – Raymond Eido

I hope you enjoyed these funny marriage quotes!

“I still fall for her every day.”

Please share these funny marriage quotes with your friends and family.