Being a parent can be one of the most wonderful experiences of your life, but it’s certainly not for everybody. Things like sleepless nights, endless crying, and complications like postpartum depression are a reality, but if you can make it through the first few months, you can easily survive anything.
The struggle of being a parent is real, but you’ll get a lot of help and advice along the way. Here are 25 funny parenting tweets that sum up parenting nicely.
1) The kid in you gets to play again.
“Wife: Sometimes it sucks being an adult. Me: Then you become a parent, and it’s acceptable to have a race track in your front room again.”
2) Why am I suddenly hungry for French fries?
“My son the poet: French fries yummy greasy eating crunching greasing they are so greasy slippery.”
3) That’s the smartest thing I’ve heard all day!
“Asked my 5-year-old brother why he was changing clothes to go out 5 hours from now, and he said ‘if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.'”
4) I have to admit, I worry too.
“I worry about people with fanny packs – my eleven-year-old son.”
5) Just me and my shadow…
“To anyone out there thinking about having kids, today my 2-year-old threw a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow.”
6) What’s more important?
“My 2-year-old can figure out how to work the TV remote, but can’t find his mouth while eating spaghetti.”
7) It’s scary how much I relate to a 5-year-old.
“A 5-year-old and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would ‘have a piece of cheese and calm down.’ So, yeah, she’s mine.”
8) That could mean a lot of things…
“5-year-old daughter: I think a boy likes me. He drew me a dinosaur. Me: That could mean anything. 5: The dinosaur had a hat. Oh shit.”
9) Just making sure!
“Me: [In bathroom]. 7-year-old: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah, pal. 7: IT’S ME. Me: I know. 7: YOUR SON. Me: Knew that too.”
10) Kids say the darndest things…
“Chase just woke up and said, ‘Hey, ma! If I had a monkey and I sold it, how much would I get for it?'”
11) It can’t be that bad, and what does hair taste like?
“Roasted broccoli for dinner tonight, and the rave reviews are in. ‘What is this? It tastes like hair,’ said one ungrateful child.”
12) Couple couple couple?
“I wish I could have a couple couple couple, like 5, like 6, like…100 more chips!”
13) Glad we’re on the same page.
“My 3-year-old: Maybe we can do it in the night that comes after the day! Me: Tonight? 3-year-old: Yeah!!”
14) That’s just the beginning…
“In case you were on the fence about having kids, my 3-year-old threw a temper tantrum because her tongue is pink.”
15) Forgive and forget.
“KIDS: [from the kitchen] Dad…may we have ice cream? ME: No, you may not. [long pause] K: Dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?”
16) Kids have so much creativity, and they love “stickers.”
“3-year-old (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy’s card? Me (in bed): Yes. 3-year-old: Will he love it? Me: Yes.”
17) If you have kids, let’s hope you’re a morning person.
“Kids are just so…so…Awake in the mornings.”
18) Yass! Alone time…
“My 4-year-old just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.”
19) That sounds about right.
“Apparently, a 2-year-old getting her hair washed and an exorcism sound oddly similar.”
20) Maybe next year…
“My daughter and my modeling submissions for JCPenney. Sure hope we get picked.”
21) The horror!!
“Hell hath no fury like a 4-year-old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.”
22) I’d eat that.
“I let my 3-year-old make her own dinner. She put candy corn on top of cold pizza. The apprentice has become the master.”
23) At least burritos don’t cry.
“Another surprise benefit of having a baby is using my new swaddling skills to roll a tight, tight burrito.”
24) They won’t allow them in cargo.
“Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that’s not allowed if the baby is yours.”
25) This made me laugh a little too much.
“7-year-old: Do women get their periods on weekends too? Me: Yes. 7-year-old mutters to herself ‘Jesus Christ.”
Becoming a parent is one of the biggest joys in life, but if you’re not ready for it, perhaps a cat or dog? Please share these funny parenting tweets about the ever-loving struggle of being a parent with your friends and family.
